Comfortable
by AlterMe01
Summary: Rent song-fic told from Mark's perspective. Could be either during or post the Rent time-line. Opinions are always welcome


Author Note: well it's been quite a while, I haven't written any fanfiction in quite a long time, but this was just a little something that came to me. It's not much, but oh well. The song included in this songfic is "Comfortable" by John Mayer. Please review.  
  
  
  
"I just remembered that time at the market  
  
snuck up behind me and jumped on my shopping cart  
  
and rolled down aisle five  
  
you looked behind you to smile back at me  
  
and crashed into a rack full of magazines  
  
they asked us if we could leave"  
  
  
  
I keep on remembering all the silly little things that we did together. We got kicked out of so many places, Life Cafe especially. I remember how you told my mother off one time at the grocery store, before you knew she was my mom. The look on your face when you were introduced...  
  
"Hello Mrs. Cohen, I'm uh- Maureen, your sons girlfriend," you replied, your hands trembling in mine. I could have kissed you right then. That was just the way you were- always making an ass of yourself, but it was so endearing.  
  
  
  
I can't remember what went wrong last September  
  
though I'm sure you'd remind me if you had to  
  
  
  
"Mark, we can't do this anymore. I have found someone else." You told me, so calmly. It was so anti-climatic. One day my mother was planning our wedding, the next you were shacking up with your new plaything in some penthouse. Besides the occasional fight, our relationship seemed so ideal. You the actress, I the camera. I could watch your every movement and never feel boredom. Was my love not strong enough? Did I not protect you every way possible?  
  
  
  
our love was comfortable and so broken in  
  
  
  
We were together for almost four years, longer than some marriages. You didn't have to dress up, or we wouldn't even have to go anywhere. Being with you always seemed to make life exciting. Together was always enough for me, but apparently not enough for you.  
  
I sleep with this new girl I'm still getting used to  
  
my friends all approve,  
  
say "she's gonna be good for you."  
  
they throw me high fives  
  
she says the Bible is all that she reads  
  
and prefers that I not use profanity  
  
your mouth was so dirty  
  
  
  
Collins, Roger, Mimi, Benny, Joanne, even you keep on telling me how great her and I are together. Are you all fucking blind? She's not even a good replacement, and my feelings for her run cold. Her father was a pastor, and behind your backs she calls you sinners. I can't be with someone who doesn't approve of my friends. She's so judgmental, then there was you who never cared what anyone else in the world was doing- so unique.  
  
  
  
life of the party and she swears that she's artsy  
  
but you could distinguish Miles from Coltrane  
  
  
  
You always had so much spunk: arguing with me over movies, an art exhibit, novels, musicians, the future, or other countless things we would talk about all hours of the day. I'd be cuddled up on the couch with your head on my stomach hand within my own, and would feel so safe. I have always been so insecure, but you always made me feel special.  
  
  
  
our love was comfortable and so broken in  
  
she's perfect  
  
so flawless  
  
or so they say  
  
  
  
So many things have happened this past year, and Roger claims that I'm the glue that has held you all together. How can this be true when I can't even control my own damn life? I wasn't enough for the one person that I loved more than anything else in this world. I feel like a failure as a man, a friend, a son, and as an artist. I'm not good at expressing how I feel instead hiding from the world. I felt secure with you, but that feeling is lost. Being "just friends" is not enough for me, I long to feel your arms wrapped around my neck and your head against my chest. I was completely at ease with you, and have not felt that feeling since. I wonder if I'll ever feel safe again.  
  
  
  
she thinks I can't see the smile that she's faking  
  
and poses for pictures that aren't being taken  
  
I loved you  
  
grey sweatpants  
  
no makeup  
  
so perfect  
  
  
  
Benny introduced me to her, I should have known it wouldn't work just by that fact. But instead, I gave her a chance and found her mildly attractive. At first it seemed like we would work out, but very soon I realized just how different we were. Opposites did not attract in her case. She began pressuring me to go back to school for a Business degree. Yea, I would just love to become another fucking three-piece suit. Just what this world needs. She called my camera a frivolous hobby, and I had to surpress the urge to cry remembering the times you encouraged my art. She doesn't see the real me, but rather wants to mold me into something she can settle with. I don't want to be anyone's consolation prize; I'm better than that.  
  
  
  
our love was comfortable and so broken in  
  
she's perfect  
  
so flawless  
  
I'm not impressed  
  
I want you back."  
  
  
  
I wish I could replace the last two years- before April commit suicide, before AIDS, to when I still had a job to at least pay some bills, when it was me, you, Roger, April, Collins, and Benny. I want you to be in my arms again, it hurts so much to see you with Joanne. I tell myself that her love will never be as strong as mine, but my wanting will not accomplish anything. She is in my arms, but when it should comfort me I feel numb. I can't lead her on anymore- I want you back so terribly. Instead, I will try to find solace in my camera but I know it will never replace your touch. I'm helpless. 


End file.
